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| Last July |
| 09.20.05 (7:43 pm) [edit] |
Last July, i started this blog, its been a year, and well over 365 posts, thats an ave of 1 post per day for every day of the year. i started this blog to write, to vent, to hope. well maybe not hope.
after a year later i have become slack in the updates, and the tone of my blog has bordered on sorrow depression anger and maybe even boredom. i realise it. i dont like it.
So in the absence from the last post to now what have i done? i have travelled extensively in india. to a point that rajastan, mumbai and calcutta are the only major states i have yet to visit. some day soon i will reach these places. i have tried to come to an understanding with my life. and my choices that make it my life.
Today i decided that i continue the rest of my journey through life and its many avenues alone. i started out alone, met a soul to this day i will love, but i think il carry on alone again.
Anyways i wont make long cliched goodbyes. i doubt il be updating this place again. to those who have read me and know me, you know where to get in touch with me.other than that nothing much else. all the best to everyone out there and may your journeys be fun. goodbye
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| been so long |
| 09.20.05 (2:22 am) [edit] |
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since i posted. all is okish. been all over the place, miss alotof things and love alot more. how is the rest of the world
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| back on track |
| 08.22.05 (12:06 am) [edit] |
yes, after a depressing period. i dontknow why. im back on track. well not really but hey better than boring myself stupid with depression. heading to delhi in a coupla days. lets see if i can get some good pics of the capital. i have one of hyderabad and it sucks ass, it was raining there so nowhere to go and take pics. lets hope delhi is better.
on other news, august is still killing me, reinjured my knee, and it hurts like a bitch. i mean really hurts, comp died but the good part is got it fixed and now going to rehab, also known as reinstallation of everydamn thing. all data was lost.
and to the one person who asked, i need a new job.
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| scheme |
| 08.16.05 (4:31 am) [edit] |
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so thats whats happening in my life, anyone got a job? i need a job.
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| august |
| 08.12.05 (9:22 pm) [edit] |
so it seems life is hard. it seems to be running its own course without giving thought and care to the person it belongs.
i dont know about the rest of you, but august has always been a shitty month for me. odd, random and mostly fucked up shit happens to me in august. almost always i somehow loose blood. either i cut myself or injure myself really bad. the usual shit that makes you say "why me why now" so in the tradition of august, my comp has crashed. a comp that has been working fine alllll year all the time decides to crash. reason? i dont know. i suspect virus. how come a virus when i have done almoost every damn thing i know to prevent something of that sort from happening? no bloody idea. i shall blame august.
ah well this month just depresses me. so lets see if i can live through this month without anything major happening. if i can good. if not who cares.
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| n |
| 08.11.05 (3:41 am) [edit] |
and now for something completely different.
full blown depression.
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| key |
| 08.09.05 (2:32 am) [edit] |
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i feel like a key
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| sense |
| 08.06.05 (8:25 am) [edit] |
it makes sense not to want. yet it doesnt. if understanding is what is needed than i dont have it. it should end, it must end, but it will continue on and on and on, one more time will it ride, just to see it over, and then comes isolation. lonliness follows depression follows demise. and then it will all look into the mirror and smile. a toothless smile. a smile to remember a smile to forget, a smile.
-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n -n-n-
goddamn im tired. I F W T E I A. I H T L. I H Y A W Y M M F.M M F G F A Y F A.Y T Y H T E S T M. I R N H I. F I A T H. I W T F D A G O T S. F
all that makes sense to me. thats good. my most honest feelings.
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| wise |
| 08.06.05 (8:15 am) [edit] |
in the words of the wise and learned. "#($* this bull#($ and F#*$( this all to hell"
i agree. somedays you just want to dissapear, somedays you want to do something with your life, somedays are just some days and one day it will all either make sense, or not.
bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored typing that word for word has a sense of the fingers dancing over the keyboard, bored, bored, bored,bored, bored nice.
nothing makes sense. i wish it did. *yawn* waiting for the anvil to drop and then i can just lay me down to sleep. eternal sleep. if only the anvil will drop, where is the anvil? i wish the anvil will drop. i hope it drops soon. i hope the anvil drops.
disjointed, not joining space inbetween s p a c e inbetween. longing for something thats wrong, yet wrong is something i long for. emptiness where there is overflowing. overflowing with emptiness. a shallow bottomless pit. one to hit and hit to one. sanity is sane, yet if you are IN SANITY your insane which means you are not sane, then why call it insane. outsane should be insane. insane should be sane. cut the heart and turn it into stone, smash the stone and make it break, crush the remains and powder them, blow them away and wait for the anvil to drop. dont breathe, suffocate, live alone, die with company and suffer in noise and celebrate in silence.
painkillers kill pain. killer pain take pain killers. strobe of blame it shines and shimmies and it always falls on me, im to blame blame i am to.full of blame empty of promise. sodden, trodden, , if there is an anvil i wish it would drop now. the fearless fear and the sinless sin but the strobe of blame shines upon me. its good its great its all right. pain is good pain is great pain is nothing to what courses through my veins, i am to blame the stroble of blame shines on me, im to blame where is the anvil?
and thus it will come to one day, stripped of all but pain, and while searing in pain realisation comes that this is not the end but the begining, of something great? yes, its all great good and nice and the light you see, yes the light is the strobe of blame, for i will always be to blame, i am the light of blame, i am the torch bearer of blame, the flame of blame and i bathe in it. i am blamed, cursed and wretched, why do i have to live? why do i deserve it? why cant i be the one to go? why do they get respite? am i still to be blamed, forever? ever ever? when will it end, i wish it would, is the anvil ready to fall? i wish the anvil would fall.
the anvil falls.
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| nothing |
| 08.01.05 (11:21 pm) [edit] |
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thats right. nothing to say
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| 12345 |
| 07.31.05 (12:12 am) [edit] |
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you blog has been viewed 12345 times, it makes all the pain worth it, NOT. but nice number, tis cool. there should be something that says extreme boredom kills.
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| chochoc |
| 07.28.05 (6:46 pm) [edit] |
everytime i look at my page, i feel cozy, like good coffee and chocolates. Dark chocolates.
incidentally, melted dark chocolates taste really good when dipped with sweet pears or mangos.
milk chocolate should be eaten at room temperature.
ice-cream should be at a particular temperature where its neither frozen or melting. but soft enough to be pulpable and not becoming watery.
chocolates which are mixed, say white and milk, or dark and white tend to melt faster than a singular form chocolate.
How do i know all this? i have eaten wayyyyyyyy tooooo many chocolates in my lifetime, and its not gonna stop any sooner. i would really like lindt plain chocs right about now. damn
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| franky |
| 07.28.05 (6:31 pm) [edit] |
Its a friday, whats so special about a friday? well you should eat a food that starts with F. thats right. so go on knock urselves out.
On other news, im feeling franky. yes franky. what does that entail? i dont really know, but i know im feeling franky. if any of this makes sense to you, take a pill go lie down and recover.
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| go going gone |
| 07.22.05 (4:02 am) [edit] |
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im off, im off to not see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz. following the dust filled road. off i go.
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| lettr |
| 07.16.05 (2:41 am) [edit] |
Dear world,
Hi, remember me? the small insignificant person in the multitude of your other occupants? yes well i am writing to tell you that you suck. yes you suck. sure you can have a witty retort saying of course you suck you have gravity. to that i say #($*$k you funnyface! the air is bad, the people are worse and generally there isn't much to look forward to. so all in all, you suck!. i cant wait to get out. good riddance you say? well i dont think so, cos you still have to be around to see whathappens to you when they are done. and trust me my friend it isn't going to be neat. so you have a good time earth. Your end is nearrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
PS sorry about the whole digging you up and pouring car battery fluid inside bit.
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| wanus |
| 07.15.05 (5:31 am) [edit] |
One mysterious person responded to my request. that too in a unspecified time frame beside a beech tree. i should have guessed as much innit.
A single share of Coca-Cola stock, purchased in 1919, when the company went public, would have been worth $92,500 in 1997
About 10,000,000 people have the same birthday as you
All polar bears are left-handed.
as for the last fact, we really need to let the penguins know to get on the right side of them bears.
Another name for your pinky finger is Wanus.
so lets all say it together. "stick your wanus up ur anus. "
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| meet |
| 07.12.05 (3:34 am) [edit] |
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are there any nice people out there? nice friendly sort, the kind that likes to have fun discussions. are there? else il just talk to myself
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| domestic violence |
| 07.10.05 (4:17 am) [edit] |
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i have been beaten by, spoons, a knife(honest) broom, slipper, hangars, belts, chair, pushed down the stairs and various stuff. end domestic violence. end it all
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| choice2 |
| 07.09.05 (7:55 am) [edit] |
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to choose not to choose. hmm i never thought about that. i completely abhor it. but its an option. very well, thank you ladies for that piece of enlightenment. but that particular choice is something i never want to make. im not saying its wrong. its just not me. but i love you all anyway.
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| choice |
| 07.08.05 (1:17 am) [edit] |
am i difficult to understand? am i complex? am i filled with conflicting thoughts? is my mind hard to comprehend? can i get angry? am i allowed to get furious? do i want to care? should i lash out? do i hurt? can i hurt?
do you want to understand? do you want to solve? do you feel you know? do you understand? do you want to? do you know? do you emphatize? do you want to go? do you want to stay?
when you sit and think through anything. there are only two choices. ALWAYS two choices. no matter who you are, what you are. humans animals insects, whatever the #*$* you are you always ALWAYS have 2 choices. left or right, go or dont go, live die, fight dont fight, breathe dont breathe. there is ALWAYS a choice.
pick one. and dont regret it. if you pick the wrong one, you still have a choice. continue with it or try to salvage whatever you can. those with pride wont go back they will either fight on or wallow. it doesnt matter what you choose. what matters is you choose.
life is simple. beneath all the bullshit, cloud, smoke fire whatever its about choices. particuarly in the most simple basic of any task, life, job, ANYTHING always two.
i have been procrastinating. i have a choice, i am sitting in the middle waiting. like all normal people. i am waiting. procrastinating. why? cos i am just an average person. But i will choose. whether the timing is right or wrong. i will choose, what seperates me from other average people? the realisation that there is ALWAYS a choice. and the decision will be made.
Is this a rant? nope, is this a post about feelings? nope what is this about? absolutely nothing. i am typing as my mind dictates. now im almost done. done with thinking and typing.
one day someday il look back or when my life flashes infront of me. i know i will see one word before it all goes off. DAMN!
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| eye |
| 07.07.05 (4:49 am) [edit] |
if an eye for an eye was the rule they say the world would be blind. i disagree. its just an eye for an eye, you still have one more eye.
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| nice |
| 07.04.05 (2:35 am) [edit] |
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nice to see somethings dont change no matter what happens in the world. been trying to post in this place for the past few days and couldn't log into the website. still shitty. but oh well. no point whining about it. cant help it. so how is everyone feeling? how is everyone doing? all well? all fine? not too well? not too good? let me know.
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| its only 5.14pm |
| 06.29.05 (12:04 am) [edit] |
Your Slanguage Profile | | Prison Slang: 75% | | Aussie Slang: 50% | | New England Slang: 50% | | Victorian Slang: 50% | | British Slang: 25% | | Canadian Slang: 0% | | Southern Slang: 0% |
i knew it. i belong in prison! why cant it be 9 o'clock NOW!!!!!!!
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| saying |
| 06.28.05 (10:48 pm) [edit] |
and if the old saying of a picture says a thousand words is true. here are 5 thousand words, just cos im still resizing the other photos. and if it appears too large. get a bigger screen. have fun
all from kerala, from the hillands, to the last one while at the backwaters.
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| home |
| 06.28.05 (8:41 pm) [edit] |
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After 1000km or more ( i wil get the details in time) i am back from my road trip. once i have normalised my arse status from friggin hurts to hardly noticeble, i will write more about it. in the meantime. in an odd sort of fashion. good to be home
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:: how jedi are you? ::
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