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| back on track |
| 08.22.05 (12:06 am) [edit] |
yes, after a depressing period. i dontknow why. im back on track. well not really but hey better than boring myself stupid with depression. heading to delhi in a coupla days. lets see if i can get some good pics of the capital. i have one of hyderabad and it sucks ass, it was raining there so nowhere to go and take pics. lets hope delhi is better.
on other news, august is still killing me, reinjured my knee, and it hurts like a bitch. i mean really hurts, comp died but the good part is got it fixed and now going to rehab, also known as reinstallation of everydamn thing. all data was lost.
and to the one person who asked, i need a new job.
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| scheme |
| 08.16.05 (4:31 am) [edit] |
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so thats whats happening in my life, anyone got a job? i need a job.
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| august |
| 08.12.05 (9:22 pm) [edit] |
so it seems life is hard. it seems to be running its own course without giving thought and care to the person it belongs.
i dont know about the rest of you, but august has always been a shitty month for me. odd, random and mostly fucked up shit happens to me in august. almost always i somehow loose blood. either i cut myself or injure myself really bad. the usual shit that makes you say "why me why now" so in the tradition of august, my comp has crashed. a comp that has been working fine alllll year all the time decides to crash. reason? i dont know. i suspect virus. how come a virus when i have done almoost every damn thing i know to prevent something of that sort from happening? no bloody idea. i shall blame august.
ah well this month just depresses me. so lets see if i can live through this month without anything major happening. if i can good. if not who cares.
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| n |
| 08.11.05 (3:41 am) [edit] |
and now for something completely different.
full blown depression.
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| key |
| 08.09.05 (2:32 am) [edit] |
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i feel like a key
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| sense |
| 08.06.05 (8:25 am) [edit] |
it makes sense not to want. yet it doesnt. if understanding is what is needed than i dont have it. it should end, it must end, but it will continue on and on and on, one more time will it ride, just to see it over, and then comes isolation. lonliness follows depression follows demise. and then it will all look into the mirror and smile. a toothless smile. a smile to remember a smile to forget, a smile.
-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n -n-n-
goddamn im tired. I F W T E I A. I H T L. I H Y A W Y M M F.M M F G F A Y F A.Y T Y H T E S T M. I R N H I. F I A T H. I W T F D A G O T S. F
all that makes sense to me. thats good. my most honest feelings.
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| wise |
| 08.06.05 (8:15 am) [edit] |
in the words of the wise and learned. "#($* this bull#($ and F#*$( this all to hell"
i agree. somedays you just want to dissapear, somedays you want to do something with your life, somedays are just some days and one day it will all either make sense, or not.
bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored typing that word for word has a sense of the fingers dancing over the keyboard, bored, bored, bored,bored, bored nice.
nothing makes sense. i wish it did. *yawn* waiting for the anvil to drop and then i can just lay me down to sleep. eternal sleep. if only the anvil will drop, where is the anvil? i wish the anvil will drop. i hope it drops soon. i hope the anvil drops.
disjointed, not joining space inbetween s p a c e inbetween. longing for something thats wrong, yet wrong is something i long for. emptiness where there is overflowing. overflowing with emptiness. a shallow bottomless pit. one to hit and hit to one. sanity is sane, yet if you are IN SANITY your insane which means you are not sane, then why call it insane. outsane should be insane. insane should be sane. cut the heart and turn it into stone, smash the stone and make it break, crush the remains and powder them, blow them away and wait for the anvil to drop. dont breathe, suffocate, live alone, die with company and suffer in noise and celebrate in silence.
painkillers kill pain. killer pain take pain killers. strobe of blame it shines and shimmies and it always falls on me, im to blame blame i am to.full of blame empty of promise. sodden, trodden, , if there is an anvil i wish it would drop now. the fearless fear and the sinless sin but the strobe of blame shines upon me. its good its great its all right. pain is good pain is great pain is nothing to what courses through my veins, i am to blame the stroble of blame shines on me, im to blame where is the anvil?
and thus it will come to one day, stripped of all but pain, and while searing in pain realisation comes that this is not the end but the begining, of something great? yes, its all great good and nice and the light you see, yes the light is the strobe of blame, for i will always be to blame, i am the light of blame, i am the torch bearer of blame, the flame of blame and i bathe in it. i am blamed, cursed and wretched, why do i have to live? why do i deserve it? why cant i be the one to go? why do they get respite? am i still to be blamed, forever? ever ever? when will it end, i wish it would, is the anvil ready to fall? i wish the anvil would fall.
the anvil falls.
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| nothing |
| 08.01.05 (11:21 pm) [edit] |
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thats right. nothing to say
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:: how jedi are you? ::
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